What if?

I decided recently that the best way to go about promoting my book and my stories would be to really focus on this blog. Since most of my income goes towards plane tickets and the excessive consumption of cheese and alcohol, I can't really afford to hire someone to design a website and make my blogs more popular through a google search. I rely on my friends and their friends and my family to share my stories and essays if they happen to find them entertaining - and I'm ever grateful that I have such a loyal group of readers that enjoy coming back and being a part of my life. That being said, you guys seem just as sadistic and twisted as myself. I enjoy it.

Often times, people have no idea how to locate my blog or get to it. To make things easier for everyone, for the extravagant price of $9.99 I purchased a domain and called it www.22tolife.com

The meaning behind this is simple. We all share the same frustrations when it comes to life, jobs, relationships, and growing up. It can be really fucking hard, but I've learned that the more difficult things in life come with the greatest rewards. And the more I've written and discussed with people, the more I learn that we share so many more common experiences and fears than we can ever imagine. Success doesn't come easy - nothing does. But I've found that doing what you love and enjoying the things that fulfill you can be the most rewarding feeling on earth. And that's why I write.

We're never alone with our uncertainties, because everyone is afraid of the "What ifs". Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of the fact that the "What ifs" are what make life interesting and fun, and the more I've gotten sucked into the corporate world and adult life after college, the more I've lost myself in worrying about the "What ifs". Somehow, I've convinced myself that I have too much to lose when dealing with any major decision. Thus, I've become comfortably stagnant, like so many of us. And what if I leave that comfort zone?

"What if I leave my job that I dislike?" Well, you'll find another one. "What if I struggle?" You'll survive. Because you have to. Everyone has struggled at some point or another. "What if I click on 'complete purchase'on this travel website I'm booking my vacation on?" You'll feel a sense of satisfaction in being able to go wherever the hell your heart pleases.

I can't tell you the number of times people have told me, "I have no idea how you travel so much. I sit on the internet with a web page open for 3 days showing a flight I was about to purchase, only to find that when I muster enough courage to click 'Purchase ticket', the session has expired - and I end up going no where." Life passes by so quickly - and I realized this when I blinked my eyes and 3 years at my first job had gone by. When I first started, as a temp, I remember thinking "I'm taking this 6 month contract, saving my money, and moving to California." I remember after 6 months being offered a permanent position to replace a girl that had left. And I remember asking my then boss, "How long was the girl before me working here?" and laughing in my head when he replied, "2 years." - because I knew I would never last that long. That was 2 years ago this month. Life rarely goes as planned.

Let's be honest - working a 9-5 office job can suck. Rarely do we meet someone who is passionate and enthusiastic about sitting behind a desk reading emails all day and attending 10 different meetings for an asshole boss or client. Unfortunately in life, there's things that we have to put up with because whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, we learn something. The past few years out of college have been tough for me. It's been a constant battle of confusion, frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness, happiness, debauchery, and every other feeling or emotion that a human being can possibly have. Growing up, or rather being a grown up, does not come easy.

When I was entering the "real world" at 22, I remember feeling like I had been handed a prison sentence: 22 to life. I thought, "Is this all that's left? My desk, my cubicle, and the occasional happy hour that we all pretend is the highlight of our weeks as adults?" So I took off on adventures - weekend trips to wherever I could afford to go. And as I went, I learned that my life didn't have to be the prison sentence I thought it did. True, I needed to work because it's what was expected of me. You finish school, you get a job, and you support yourself. It's just expected of an upstanding adult. As a kid I had always had a sense of adventure and curiosity, and I loved looking up and seeing a plane fly by, wondering "I wonder where in the world that's going? And are the people in there excited to get there?"

My frustrations with the 9-5 corporate life grew, and the only venue I had to regain control of my life was my love for travel and adventure. This blog started as my coworker's way of keeping an account of my crazy and often times unbelievable stories and/or ramblings. Which in turn became a way of allowing myself to maintain a small perspective of who I really am without becoming lost. This, in turn, became a book. The stories will be new and different, but the underlying theme has remained the same: work to live, not live to work. And laugh as much as possible. Americans spend at least 40 hours a week at work, that's 2,000 hours a year (including 2 weeks vacation, for those of us lucky enough). That's a fuckload. Each of us, at one point or another, will find ourselves feeling trapped and imprisoned within the confines of our buildings or fast-paced life. We can complain (which I've done a lot of) but, more importantly, we can regain control of our lives and find what really makes us live

If what I've learned resonates with even one person, and what I've written in my blog and in my book reaches one person who can relate, and if I can transport someone away from their desk or overwhelming life and make them laugh if even for a few minutes, then I've found fulfillment in what I do. Yes, I'm still working at my job. Yes, I still feel frustrated and sad and happy like everyone else, depending on the day. But that person a few years back has come a long way in attempting to figure out life in your 20's. It took me years to find what I want to do and where I want to go - and I still really haven't. Just a vague outline of an idea. But in doing the things I dislike in my professional life; I stumbled upon something I love.

22toLife is up to each of us. It doesn't have to be a prison sentence, and nothing is ever permanent. If you find yourself wondering why it's taken 3 days to purchase a trip you've been thinking about for months or years, or debating the "What ifs" of your life decisions, then those 3 days will turn quickly into 3 years.

While I've been adventurous these past few years in terms of traveling and escaping my Monday-Friday life, I've also been reluctant to leave my comfort zone. I've sat around waiting for the "perfect opportunity" or "the right salary" that can take me to a whole new level. But my best friend said something that struck a chord in me a few days ago. He asked me, "How much is your happiness worth? 10k? 5k? If that's what's keeping you from moving to a place you've wanted to move, or breaking into an industry you've been wanting to try, or doing something completely new, then you've put a price on your happiness." Suddenly, my fears and doubts of the "What ifs" eased.

So if 22toLife is how you feel - how much is your happiness worth???

I hate feeling as though I'm preaching, because I'm the last person on earth who should be telling others how to live. I drink too much, I can be quite selfish, I'm completely inappropriate and often times offensive. So I'm certainly not a perfect role model for success and happiness-not all of us can be as glorious as Oprah. But if I can offer any insight or opinion on my personal experiences through stories and humor, along with my often times crude perspectives in my own journey on figuring out my own life, then hopefully my writing can be as much a venue for others as it has been for me. There's still those "What ifs", but hopefully I'm learning how to face them somewhat more valiantly.

And what if no one reads this? And what if I start over? And what if I have no friends in a new city? And what if I go broke? And what if I make it big? And what if I don't? And what if I make a mistake? And what if that mistake leads to something great? And what if I get lost? And what if I never look back?

And what if, what if, what if, what if...?