Expectations

A couple of weeks ago I was home sick with the flu.  Naturally I spent two days laying on my couch feeling sorry for myself and watching Property Brothers on HGTV.  I love watching that show because you get a really great sense of the human psyche.

The show starts off with two brothers in real estate helping a couple find their "dream home".  They ask the couple for their list of "must-have's".

"Well ideally I'd like a really big, modern gourmet kitchen with an open floor plan", the wife might say.  "The kitchen needs custom cabinets and granite counter tops.  I also want high ceilings, a large master bedroom with walk-in closets, a finished basement, and spa-like bathrooms throughout with plenty of living space for the kids to play.  Oh, and a big, private yard".  90% of the time, the husband will also require a "man cave" and a private working space, presumably to hide from his over-demanding wife.

My favorite part is when the couple is asked what their budget is.   "$300,000",  they might say. Undoubtedly, their expectations are completely misaligned with reality.  To prove this, the Property Brothers show them a "move-in ready" home that meets all of their requirements.  The couple oohs and aahs at every aspect of the house.  They're later shocked and devastated to find the listing price is 2 or 3 times their budget.  "Why would you do this to us?" the couple asks the brothers in despair.  The woman always looks as though she's just been felt up in a crowded subway.

Now the reason this show hooks me is because of what occurs next.  The couple is taken to various run-down houses that smell of cat piss and hooker spit.  House after house, they grow more and more horrified and depressed.   The point of this is to show them just how far off their expectations are.  The Property Brothers explain that they can take one of these run down houses and turn it into their dream home while sticking to their budget.  The couple reluctantly chooses a house and commence a 5 week renovation project.  Throughout the renovation, they encounter unexpected issues and costs that force them to compromise on their "needs".   By the end, they're shocked and thrilled with the results of the transformation.  Suddenly, they realize they were able to achieve the same levels of happiness and satisfaction with a much smaller list of wants and needs.

It's human nature to always yearn for more.  Fundamentally, I've always set extremely high expectations with most anything in my life, which has often resulted in my being disappointed.  This has held true for jobs, relationships, apartments, etc. This is different than goals, where you can aim for something but are not horribly disappointed if you fall a bit short.  I guess it's because a goal is an ideal you strive for, but not a necessity.   Expectations, on the other hand, seem more concrete.  They create a sort of perceived reality in your own mind and when they're totally out-of-whack, it ends in major disappointment.  Strangely enough, that show made me see this.  And while it's not something that can happen over night, I'm slowly but surely starting to see how it works.  Re-evaluating my "must have's" and expectations has helped me take more risks and enjoy the successes I've already achieved.  Nothing can ever be perfect and everything comes with a compromise.

In college, it was unrealistic to expect that my career path would be set and I'd be living happily ever after by the time I hit 30.  I'm betting I wasn't the only one who thought this way.  It's probably something that comes with age and realizing that life isn't as easy as you once thought.  And I suppose if that's one of the few perks of adulthood, then maybe getting older won't be as bad as I expected.