11 Lessons I Learned as an Adult

1. Trust your gut feelings.  If something doesn't feel right, trust yourself.  It most likely isn't.

2. Live alone. If you can afford it, it's worth the extra money. My biggest fear is that I'll be 45 and still living with roommates in a walk up on 10th ave.  Some roommates can be great, but others can move out while you're at work and leave you to pay $2,600 worth of backrent while they're halfway to Pennsyltuckyshitfuck.  Not worth the gamble.

3.  Save money.  Even if it's 20 bucks a month.  I know it's easier said than done, but you never know when you'll need it (see #2).  You'll spend it on tacos and vodka made in Baltimore anyway. 

4. Learn your lessons.  Personally, I'm way too trusting of a person.  You don't want to go through life being a cynical asshole, but you also don't want to make the same mistakes and be taken advantage of.  Be open to new experiences and people, but tread carefully when your emotions become involved.  Don't let people mistake your kindness for anything more than that.  As awesome as people can be, they can also be real shitheads.

5. When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them. This has been a huge and important lesson for me to learn.  I give people too much benefit of the doubt. Learn to spot the red flags from the start and, more importantly, learn to listen to them.  Don't fool yourself into making excuses for others.  Life is far too short to waste your time on excuses.

6.  Don't play games.  That's for children on a playground. When you like someone, show them. If you have to wonder whether or not someone likes you, they most likely don't.  Be honest and direct. I know when I like someone, they could invite me to watch a pile of cow shit ferment by a highway and I'd be all "Sure what time?  I'll bring some snacks and vodka!"  So when someone you like has lame excuses or becomes flaky, cut your losses and MOVE.ON.QUICK. 

7.  Be honest and direct. This seems intuitive but so many people have issues with this...including myself.  It seems easier to just not deal with certain situations, but in the long run it's just shit.  If your roommate is hanging his leggings in the bathroom, tell him it ain't no damn laundromat.  If you're hooking up with someone and you're not feeling it, just say so.  No one wants to be led on and dragged through the mud wondering whether they're the asshole or your just on your fucking period.  Speak your truth.  If someone tells you, "I'm just not really looking for a relationship", it's bullshit.  It means they're not looking for one with you.  It's fine.  Not everyone has to be into you, and accepting that is part of being an adult. 

8.  Be a hustler.  Everyone is clawing their way to the top, so claw harder.  Be tough and go after what you want.  I've doubted myself in tons of situations, but I've always worked hard and put myself in situations I thought were bigger than me and its usually paid off.  You learn as you go.  And if you're scared shitless, then learn to fake it 'til you make it. 

9. Be patient.  Great things don't happen overnight, and neither does becoming successful. Be patient and focused and remind yourself that you're just getting started.  Coming out of college, I seriously thought I'd be CEO of a Fortune 500 company by 24.  It took me 6 years and a lot of hardwork to finally start seeing real success with my career.  I wish someone slapped the shit out of me and told me to calm the fuck down when I was 22.  Although I probably wouldn't have listened anyway.  Ambition is a good thing, just be realistic. 

10. Make time for yourself.  It's so easy to get caught up in happy hours and post-work barhopping and some asshole's birthday dinner.  STOP WITH THE BIRTHDAY DINNERS!  If you don't learn to say no you'll be constantly stressed about not having time for yourself.  Plus you'll get fat from eating pork sliders and drinking 2-for-1 beers.  Calm the hell down and do some yoga and tell people to leave you the fuck alone.  Shet.

11.  Wear a Condom.  Always.  We're too old for that shit.