Dear Life...

Dear Life,

Today, I went to pay for my $8.12 Chipotle burrito bowl during lunch, and was told my card got "partially" declined. So I had to pay the remaining $2.83 in cash. Slightly concerned, I went to check my bank account, and for the first time since I was perhaps 12 years old, it read "Available Balance: $0.00". I smiled to myself, because that seems to be the only emotion I have left for instances such as this. I then tried to go to the Post Office to have this letter to the Delaware Court over-nighted.

You see, in recent weeks I've been driving back and forth to NYC in an effort to interview for various crappy jobs. I finally found one that I feel would be great for me, seeing as how I can no longer stand one more second of my current job without wanting to jab a pen through my eyes and a butter knife through my ears in a desperate effort to become blind and deaf to the absurdity I witness on a daily basis. I have invested a lot of my own money in making trips to Manhattan, often times getting ditched by interviewers who were "too busy" to meet with me or uninterested in my "overqualified" skills. Here's where I have a bone to pick with you, Life, so please listen carefully. Because this is my story.

On 9/2/2011 at 1:40 am, I was traveling southbound on Interstate 95 through the part of Delaware that no one cares about, when all 5 lanes of the interstate were merging into 1 lane due to construction. I was attempting to merge into the last lane between 2 trucks and noticed that the driver of the second one was purposefully closing the gap in an attempt to not let me in. As my lane neared its end, I slowed to almost a complete stop to avoid getting mauled and was purposefully sideswiped by the 2nd truck in an attempt to cut me off. The Delaware State trooper was called and, although I tried to explain to the officer that I believed the driver of the tractor-trailer was driving aggressively and dangerously, I was given a citation for “Failure to Yield”. Additionally, I was given a second citation for failure to provide valid proof of insurance. Because the car (a 2011 Honda Civic) belongs to my sister and is insured under my dad's policy, I was unaware that the insurance card that was in the glove-box was expired by about a month. I suppose the last thing that went through my mind nearly 20 hours earlier at 6:30 am, as I nervously made it out the door to head to my interview, was whether or not the insurance card was up-to-date in case some sadistic asshole hit me. After sitting on the side of 95 for over 2 hours with this bastard truck driver who had no remorse for what he had just done, I was sent home with two tickets in hand and an impending court date in Delaware. I am now responsible for a $500 "Failure to provide proof of insurance" ticket, a $200 "Failure to Yield" ticket, and about $1,000 in damages to my sister's brand new car.

Although it has been two weeks, I still find this situation difficult to swallow. What has happened to our justice system? I can only hope that you, Mr. Life, will divulge some much needed karma to the dick-headed redneck who found joy in another person's misfortune.

I find it difficult to swallow the fact that we, as human beings, must go through so much adversity and rejection just to end up often dissatisfied and hurt in the end. I can perhaps accept this as being inevitable. I have never been one to be negative or melancholy in my outlook towards things; however in the recent weeks you, Sir Life, have left me with no other choice.

That truck driver had no idea what I had been through that day, nor did he care. Too many times, people fail to realize that the stranger we pass on the street might be having a bad day. But, Life, I cannot accept your constant need to kick someone when they are down. It seems like the poor get poorer, the hungry get hungrier, the unfortunate get more misfortune, and the drunk driver lives when the innocent bystander dies. September 11th would be a great example of that. In an effort to change my career, my city, my outlook on things, and my life in general, it seems you've made it harder and harder on purpose. In the past month, I've received unexpected hospital bills from nearly 8 months ago, a 2nd notice for a $250 camera ticket from DC dated 2 months prior (for which I never received a 1st notice, therefore it doubled...), dentist bills, pay cuts, insurance increases, a family death, and countless other things that have contributed to my financial and personal distress. As much as you have tried to defeat me, I try to take this all as a learning experience. I try to become stronger and smarter because of it, but I can tell you one thing - It's fucking hard. I'm not saying I may not be at fault for some of these things, but why do bad things have to happen all at once? If I had a proper grasp on my emotions, I would cry. But I don't, so I haven't.

And dear Life, if you've made it this far then it means you might be listening. So hear this: Today you tried to defeat me once more. I was assigned a court date to appear in Delaware on Sept. 19th, a Monday. At 9:30AM. For those of us that work for a living, this seems unorthodox. After speaking to two different women who work at the Delaware courthouse and seem even more miserable than I can possibly imagine, they informed me that the only way to postpone this date or pay the fines without having to appear in court is to send a letter to the judge for review. Because of the fact that I have not sent a letter since the days of the Pony Express, I decided to head to the U.S. Post Office thinking I can easily pay a few dollars and have them mail the letter overnight. I stood in an enormous line TWICE, for an hour each time, because they kept giving me the wrong envelope. The same thing happened to 2 ladies in front of me, only they seemed far more frustrated than I at the time. At this point, I can only sit there and smile in amusement like an idiot because I have been drained of my ability to be angry anymore. After wasting two hours of my life attempting to mail a $14.40 letter, I simply gave up, went 2 blocks away to FedEx, and paid $25.00 to send this absurd letter to Delaware. No wonder my account reads "Available Balance: $0.00". Thanks for that snippet of fun that I so badly needed on this lovely Wednesday.

I recall that there was a movie once made called "Life is Beautiful".
If they made a documentary of what it's really like most of the time, I'm fairly sure it would be called, "Be jealous of those that have died before you, for they no longer have to deal with post offices, lack of finances, trans fats, exercising, tooth aches, insurance companies, tickets, police officers, dirty dishes, dirty toilets, rude and inconsiderate people, traffic, being caught in the rain without an umbrella, sweating profusely while wearing a suit, horrible bosses, break-ups, deadlines, stress, fat free cheese (which is disgusting), tragedy, terrorists, long lines for a bathroom, that part of Delaware between Maryland and New Jersey that always has traffic for no apparent reason, mosquitoes, diarrhea, artificial banana flavored candy, any commercial with Ashton Kutcher in it, politics, bad sexual encounters, crowded subways with smelly strangers, humidity, impotence, growing old, cover letters, resumes, and automated call-centers".

For simplicity sake though, I think I would just put all of those into
one and name it, "Life is beautiful on occasion, but for the most part
it sucks a big ethnic donkey dick with herpes and a hint of asbestos
on the side".

And Life, while you often suck at times and cause me and my fellow human beings to curse our own existence, I can say for the most part that I'm lucky. I'm lucky that most of my problems have been merely financial. I'm lucky to be learning these important lessons of adversity and hardship at a younger age. I'm lucky to have come to realize the importance of having genuine relationships with others to get through the rough patches. And while there may be roadblocks and hurdles and 5 lanes merging into 1 at times, I will still reach my final destination. And I will appreciate it that much more because of all of this.

Though for now, I can wholeheartedly tell you to fuck off, life.

Xoxo,
Andres